Happy heavenly birthday W. David Bauer!

Gretchen Abernathy was in her planning period at newly opened Dalton Middle School when an announcement came over the school’s intercom that something had happened at the World Trade Center, and teachers might want to switch on their TV or radio to learn more.

Instead of sitting glued to the news, Abernathy got on the phone and began hoping against hope that her big brother, David Bauer, wasn’t at work there that day. Bauer, a 45-year-old international bond trader, was a husband and father of three. He didn’t especially like working in the towers, she said. His office was on the 105th floor. Sometimes he could feel the building sway slightly.

But in nearby Monmouth County, New Jersey, where he lived, everyone worked in New York City.

Coworkers at Dalton Middle began helping Abernathy make calls to friends and family members so she could find out what happened. Finally, she reached her sister, Heidi, who quickly explained what she knew then added she needed to keep the phone line open in case someone called with news.

David had commuted in by boat that morning, as usual. He was not in London on one of his business trips for company Cantor Fitzgerald, as Abernathy had hoped.

Had the airlines been open, Abernathy would have flown back to New Jersey immediately. Instead, she hopped a train and arrived there the next day. The next several days were a blur. David’s family had printed flyers to hand out near Ground Zero to try to learn if anyone had seen him since the towers fell.

The picture they used was one of him with his parents, Walter and Dotty Ann, brother, Bobby; sister Heidi; and Abernathy. It was taken in July 2001, during one of Abernathy’s annual summer visits back home. The family lives only a few miles from the beach, and they’d spent the day near the water, cooking out and enjoying each other’s company.

For the flyer, they’d cropped everyone out of the photo but David and added a physical description: 6 feet-4 inches, 230 pounds, brown hair, blue eyes. He wore a Silver Tag Heuer watch, had a four-inch scar on the middle of his back and small scars on both forearms. Last known location: Tower No. 1, 105th floor, Cantor Fitzgerald.

“When they got off the train there (to pass out the flyers), there were about a zillion people doing the exact same thing,” Abernathy said.

For the next several days, family members and friends gathered at the Bauer home and at the home of David’s wife, Ginny. The weather was beautiful, Abernathy recalled. They talked and cried and laughed and for several days held out hope he might still be alive.

They were a close family before, during and after the time of the terror attacks, Abernathy said. David, too, was loving — a big man who at 45 years old would still walk up to his father and give him a hug and kiss.

Finally, the family held a memorial service on Sept. 21, a Friday. They’d had to wait a few days to get a church because so many other people were holding their own memorial services.

The family believes David was probably not one of the people who jumped out of the building. Several months after the attacks, searchers found some of his DNA. Abernathy said they didn’t ask about the details, and they didn’t request to be called each time someone found more DNA. It was enough to have confirmation of his remains.

Seventh-grade social studies teacher Ric Murry said he’d taught in the same school as Abernathy for 16 years and remembers her heartbreak the day of the attacks. He compared living through 9/11 in some ways to what his mother experienced when President John F. Kennedy was assassinated.

“Mom made a statement that I always thought was weird,” he recalled. “‘I never remember that. I relive that.’”

For Abernathy, the memories are anything but pleasant. When footage of the planes crashing into the World Trade Center or other tragic scenes come on TV, Abernathy turns it off or switches channels. She didn’t watch much of the news coverage the year of the attacks, and she doesn’t see any reason to relive it now.

What she does do is share the fond memories she has of David Bauer. The oldest of the siblings, and four years older than her, David had played football at Villanova University and briefly played professional football with the New York Giants of the Kansas City Chiefs, she said. The weekend before he was killed, he’d successfully completed a triathlon. He also played guitar and was a wine connoisseur.

Abernathy described him as great father and role model, recalling that he also looked out for her on many occasions. All her girl friends had a crush on him when they were growing up, she said.

David’s children still hurt, but they’re leading successful lives, Abernathy said. Son David, 27, is living in London and working for Goldman Sachs. Son Stevie is in law school. Daughter Jackie is attending Villanova and recently appeared on the “Today” show to share the family’s experience. Bauer’s wife, Ginny, successfully lobbied the federal government to get tax breaks for the families of the victims of 9/11. A stay-at-home mother at the time of the attacks, she later became commerce secretary for New Jersey and New Jersey Lottery director, Abernathy said.

Abernathy said she often tells her children — her own as well as those at Dalton Middle — to tell their families they love them. She and husband Mel have raised Guy, Eric and Scott.

Finding good in the terrorist attacks is “hard” at best. Still, she said, David “would want us to move on because he was that kind of person.”

“It doesn’t ever go away,” she added. “I don’t even believe in closure. You just learn to live with it.”